The monster within…
I am just back from the 2013 Miami Bellydance Convention. This is my second year participating in this large scale event, and this is the second year that I return home feeling incredibly inspired, completely overwhelmed, amazingly awed, depressed, and basically completely jumbled!
Why the contradicting emotions you ask?
The workshops (with Saida, Jillina, and Zoe) and shows were amazing, and the competition was intense. The entire event was extremely well organized and ran without a noticeable hitch. I learned so much in such a short time. However, with all of these amazing things happening around me, I still let the negative voices run rampant through my head.
Voices: You aren’t good enough to be here. You aren’t the right look. You haven’t practiced enough.
Rational me: Shut up voices.
and back and forth and back and forth…
So I came across this quote,
And I am going to choose to live by it for today. I am going to revel in the fact that I can teach what I learned to my amazing students. I am going to revel in the knowledge that this event will make me work harder for next year. I am going to revel in the understanding that with training and dedication, I can and will raise the caliber of my dance while still loving the journey!
What are you going to revel in?
4 Replies to “The monster within…”
I can really identify with this post, I remember this feeling very well from the JWAAD Summer School (a weeklong residential course here in the UK) last month. I came home exhausted, inspired, and half of me feeling like my dancing had really improved whilst the other half was overwhelmed and depressed about how much I still have to learn and about all the things that I now know I need to work on.
Something that my teacher said to us at the end of the week really helped – that all good dancers are a bit neurotic about their art, and feel depressed or inadequate sometimes, but that’s actually what separates the dancers with potential to be great from those who reach a certain level and then become complacent and stop growing. The neurotic dancers are the ones who are aware that we have room to improve, and who constantly strive to get better no matter how good we get – provided we can keep those tendencies under control and don’t get so discouraged that we give up…
I like to embrace my neuroses as well 🙂 It does keep me pushing myself, that is for sure! Thanks for your insight, Rasha Nour!
I like your quote. I am 63, not 23. Its hard to except that. Its what I am so I must revel in it.
BTW, I the woman you see me posting on FB and I are starting to make wedding plans.